Choosing to file for a divorce is a very big decision, which is why before making a hasty move, you want to go over a few questions with yourself to make sure that you are doing what is best for you and your family. Here are a few questions to ask yourself before making this very important life choice. First off, you want to evaluate the "problems" you and your spouse have within the marriage. Many family therapists would separate couples problems into two distinct categories: hard or soft. Hard problems are going to be issues that relate to the overall wellbeing and safety of yourself and the family. For example, if your spouse is abusive or is dealing with an addiction to alcohol, etc., this would be a hard problem and you will want to get away in order to protect your family. Soft problems, on the other hand, are considered to be more general every day issues that couples will face, whether or not they are in love anymore. This would include feeling alone or isolated, or feeling as though your spouse is being super critical or is otherwise making you unhappy. While these are not issues to be ignored, they may also shed light on other areas of your marriage that may need improvement rather than total elimination. If you are feeling disconnected with your spouse or as though your spark of love is diminishing, consider seeing a martial therapist before jumping into a divorce prematurely.
The next question to ask yourself is whether or not you and your spouse are already living the "divorced" life? Do you find that you stay at the office past work hours nearly every day and then proceed to go out with your office friends until late at night? Does your spouse work late and then head straight to the gym and then watches television and is long in bed before you walk in the doors? Perhaps you are sleeping in separate beds or there is an imaginary wall separating you and your spouse as you still "share" the same bed? If you are already feeling divorced, then perhaps it is time to just make this a reality and make life easier for the two of you? Before doing so, you and your spouse may want to sit down and discuss the elephant in the room, and go over why you two never spend time together rand why you haven't yet divorced. Whether it is because of your children, or because of financial concerns, or whatever, talking these details will be helpful in order to help you know whether or not a divorce is the next step for your relationship.
Another aspect that often leads to a divorce is one or both spouses not feeling "loved" anymore. Perhaps you are the wife, and you remember all those years of your husband bring you home flowers every Friday evening because he got out of work early and would stop by the flower mart on his way home. Husband, perhaps you remember when your wife would greet you at the door with a cold glass of water, a kiss, and a warm greeting every time you came home from a long day at the office, even when her days were hard at work also. These little acts of love often define couples lives for a time and then life happens and it can fade away. Before filing for a divorce, try to think through if there is even the smallest hint of love left in your marriage. Perhaps your husband has to work more hours and has no time for the flower mart, or the children are much older and so your wife is usually at soccer practice when you get out of the office. Whatever the case may be, evaluate if the love is still there because maybe it is, just in different ways? If it's not, and you truly feel like you and your spouse have fallen out of over, then perhaps it is time to end the marriage.
Whatever the case may be for you and your spouse, choosing to file for a divorce is a big decision and it can affect not just you and your spouse, but your children as well. Be certain to take the time asking yourself some important questions and then talk through them with your spouse. Together decide what the best next course of action will be. In the event you decide divorce is that next step, please contact The Hunter Law Group, today for a trusted Mission Viejo divorce attorney who can walk with you every step of the way.